I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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