My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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