Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
