I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
