does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
