Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
