rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
