i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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