either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize