Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
COCAINE IS GR8
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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