No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
