...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
