Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
