This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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