If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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