I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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