ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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