My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
