Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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