great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
