woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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