At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
