i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
