the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
