When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
