real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
