he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
