I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel great
I just peed on a car
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize
