I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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