he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
