Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
