we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
