dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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