he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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