why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ok first of all what the fuck
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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