I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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