I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
