last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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