dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
