My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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