Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
