i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize