and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize