I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
