so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
