So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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