That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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