I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
