He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
