Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So squirting runs in the family.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
