I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
