she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
