conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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