hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
