Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
