Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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