you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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