never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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