just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
