Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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