This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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