i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
