I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
