operation harelip BJ is a go
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
