Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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