So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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